There’s something unique about Indians who move abroad. We carry two worlds inside us. One world shaped us. The other world tests us. And for years, both keep pulling us in opposite directions.
When I came to the US, I thought it would just be a career step. A better opportunity. A better salary. Maybe a slightly better life. But living here slowly made me realize that moving abroad changes something deeper. It changes how you think about money, family, guilt, freedom, and happiness. It brings out emotions you never felt before and questions you never had to ask in India.
For me, the story starts long before I stepped into an airport.
Growing Up on Sacrifice
I grew up in a middle-class home where every rupee mattered. My parents spent 30 to 40 percent of their income every year on me and my brother’s schooling. English-medium schools. Good education. They stretched their budget as far as they could. And I always sensed the pressure, even when they didn’t say it. The quiet conversations. The calculations. The adjustments. The sacrifices.
When my elder brother started working in 2010, I saw relief on their faces. One part of their responsibility was finally over. When I started working in 2014, I felt that same sense of “now I can finally help.” Our entire childhood was built on their sacrifices, and it shaped how both of us saw our money.
South Africa and the Lesson That Stayed
Early in my career in 2015, I got an opportunity to work in South Africa for three months. I was earning around two thousand dollars a month, which felt substantial at that age. And for the first few weeks, everything looked exciting. My first stay in a five-star hotel. My first ride in a Mercedes. Company-paid food at the best restaurants. For someone just starting their career, these things felt unreal.
But very quickly, the excitement faded. I wasn’t enjoying anything. I was sitting in a foreign country for money, not for life. I was alone, surrounded by colleagues who mostly spoke their own language, and most days felt heavy and silent. The comfort was there, but the happiness wasn’t.
That was the first time I understood the difference between earning money and living a life. Money can give comfort, but it cannot fill the space inside you. I learned that much earlier than most people, and that experience stayed with me. It quietly became the foundation of how I looked at money in every phase that followed. And that is why for me, money freedom became more important than money itself.
Leaving India With More Than Luggage
When I decided to come to the US for my master’s, I came on an education loan. And like many Indian families do, my parents offered what they had as security. Their home papers. A lot of us who move abroad know this feeling. You walk into a new country knowing you cannot afford to mess up. Not because of ego, but because of responsibility.
You carry two fears. The fear of failing yourself. And the fear of failing the people who believed in you, sometimes more than you believed in yourself.
That is where the tug-of-war begins for most Indians abroad.
The Tug-of-War Gets Real
When you grow up in India, you’re trained to think about stability. Save money. Protect the family. Avoid unnecessary risks. Keep life secure. When you come to the US, you see the opposite. People live for experiences. People travel freely. People take risks. People think about themselves first.
This creates a mental confusion that is very specific to Indians living abroad.
After I graduated and started working in 2019, my salary jumped significantly. It felt unreal for a while. But happiness doesn’t increase in the same way salary does. You get used to everything. Hedonic adaptation is real. And suddenly, I had more money than I’d ever had, but the same old questions: Was I saving enough? Was I sending enough home? Was I being too careful or not careful enough? Should I enjoy more or save more?
Every year when our limited vacation days come up, we face the same question: Should I explore the US, visit new places, enjoy the experiences here, or should I go home to India and see my parents? Most Indians choose to go home because the responsibility inside them is louder than the freedom outside them.
The tug-of-war was exhausting. And I realized something important: You can’t win a tug-of-war by pulling harder. You win by finding your center.
Finding My Center: The Four Pillars
After years of feeling pulled in both directions, I realized I needed a framework not just to manage money, but to manage the guilt, the ambition, and the fear that come with living between two worlds. I didn’t call them pillars back then, but today these four principles guide almost everything I do with money and life.
Pillar 1: Clarity (The What and Why of Your Wealth)
“The wealth you want defines the life you’ll live. But the life you want should define the wealth you need.”
For me, clarity means knowing why I want money in the first place. It’s not for status. It’s not to show that I made it. It’s to be free. Free to choose my life. Free to protect my time. Free to think without fear.
There’s a line, often shared as an anecdote between Joseph Heller (Author of Catch-22) and Kurt Vonnegut, that perfectly captures this. Heller, referring to his wealth, said, ‘I have something that you will never have enough. Enough.’
That line changed the way I see money.
Enough is not a number. It’s a mindset. And without clarity, people keep chasing money endlessly without knowing what they’re actually chasing.
People ask me where I want to settle. I answer with a simple question: Where do I want to die? My heart says India. My Financial Independence number today is 14 crore in Indian value. It will probably change. That’s okay. The number is not the point, the direction is. I want a comfortable life there. A peaceful one. A stress-free one where I can focus on my son, on wife, on family, on fitness, on health, and on living slow. I want a good home. Some travel. Enough money for emergencies. Enough cushion to not depend on anyone. Enough savings to let my son study anywhere he wants.
That clarity guides every financial decision I make.
Pillar 2: Simplicity (Cutting the Complexity Tax)
“Complexity is the tax you pay for not knowing what matters.”
I keep my money life simple. I have worked in analytics for 10+ years and have a fair understanding of my financial matters.. I try to save at least 40 percent. That number works for me. For someone else, it might be different. It depends on the job, the stage of life, the expenses, the family setup. I understand that salary makes a difference and that timelines will differ for different people.
But I also believe something deeply: Every person can be financially free with the right mindset, even if the timelines are different.
Simplicity has helped me stay consistent. I track my net worth monthly. I automate my investments. I avoid hype. Even after years of investing, I still believe in the basics: S&P 500, Nasdaq, Nifty, and a few individual stocks I actually understand. My current portfolio sits at 70% index funds and 30% direct stocks.
I’m leaning more towards direct stocks as I’m getting more interested and comfortable with the stock market. But a new person doesn’t have to follow this path. Start with simple index investing. Build confidence over time. Complexity can come later, if it ever needs to.
For me, simplicity also means knowing when complexity adds value and when it just adds stress. Living in the US offers many advantages – the standard of living, the superior infrastructure, the high-quality higher education, the amazing getaway places. I understand why people love it here. But I always come back to this: If I’m not saving enough here, the opportunity cost is too big. The emotional cost is too high. It only makes sense if my savings and investments move me closer to freedom.
That simple filter has helped me stay focused.
Pillar 3: Long Horizon (Thinking in Ten-Year Windows)
“The ten-year view makes the ten-day noise disappear.”
This is something I learned over time. Think long-term. Don’t fall into quick comparisons. Don’t chase short-term content, distractions, or shortcuts. Think in frameworks. Look at life in ten-year windows, not ten-day windows.
Even though every penny counts, if you take a longer view of life, you won’t overthink those dinner dates, small outings, or occasional expenses. You just have to be a conscious spender who knows the big picture.
This pillar saved me when I first got my car in the US. Taking road trips with my wife, I realized the feeling wasn’t about the car itself. It was about the experience. The time. The comfort. The memories. Money creates these moments. And when I think long-term, I don’t feel guilty about spending on experiences that matter.
The same goes for my parents. When they visited me here for the first time and I could take them out and show them around here in California, that was the moment money felt truly meaningful. Not because of what I bought, but because I could give back after years of them giving to me. That’s emotional wealth. And you don’t build emotional wealth by obsessing over every transaction. You build it by thinking long-term about what truly matters.
Pillar 4: Calmness (The Financial Superpower)
“Panic builds portfolios for others. Patience builds wealth for you.”
Calmness is a financial superpower. Don’t fall for get-rich-quick schemes. Don’t jump into NFTs, tokens, or the next shiny thing. Sure, some people make money in those areas, but most people lose more than they gain.
When the market falls, don’t do anything in panic. Stay calm. Invest. Keep moving in the same direction. Calmness creates wealth quietly.
This pillar matters even more when you’re living between two worlds. There’s constant noise. Comparisons. Pressure. People back home think you’re rich because you live in America. People here think you should spend more and enjoy life. Everyone has an opinion about what you should do with your money.
Calmness means filtering out all that noise and staying true to your plan.
Living the Pillars
These four pillars don’t just guide my money decisions. They guide how I think about the entire tug-of-war between responsibility and freedom.
Clarity tells me what I’m working toward, not just wealth, but a life where I can be present for my son, my wife, my health, and my peace of mind.
Simplicity keeps me from overcomplicating things or chasing every opportunity that doesn’t align with my goals/values.
Long Horizon reminds me that who I am at thirty-five may not be who I am at forty. My FIRE number might change. My timeline might shift. My responsibilities might grow. And that’s normal. Life evolves. We evolve.
Calmness helps me navigate it all without losing myself in the process.
I started this journey thinking about retiring early. But over time, I realized I don’t want early retirement. I want meaningful work. Work that doesn’t drain me. Work that leaves enough room for what truly matters.
Why I’m Writing This
This blog is about financial freedom, but it’s also about something bigger. It’s about freeing up time so you can be with your family. Living without fear. Doing low-stress work that matters. Eating healthy. Staying fit. Watching your child grow. Creating a life where money supports your values instead of controlling them.
I know my core values will remain the same. I will always want freedom over stress. Time over noise. Health over hustle. Family over status. Calmness over chaos. These are the values that push me every single day.
So think of this blog as a living document rather than a fixed rulebook. As my perspective grows, I’ll come back and update these posts. If something no longer reflects how I see life, I’ll rewrite it. If I learn something new, I’ll add it. The goal is not perfection. The goal is growth.
And as life evolves, this blog will evolve with it.
This Is For You
This blog is for every Indian abroad who’s living the dream but still can’t shake the guilt.
It’s for the ones who feel guilty spending $150 on a concert ticket but wire $5,000 home without blinking.
It’s for everyone still figuring out how to hold responsibility in one hand and freedom in the other without dropping either.
I don’t have all the answers. I just have my story, my mistakes, and the four pillars that finally quieted the noise in my head.
I’ll keep writing as life changes, when my FIRE number moves, when my son starts school, when my parents finally retire, when I’m wrong about something (it’ll happen).
If any of this felt like I was reading your mind, do two things:
- Drop your own tug-of-war story in the comments. I will read every single one.
- Subscribe, because next time the guilt hits at 2 a.m., I want to be in your inbox with the reminder that you’re not alone (and you’re not a bad son/daughter for wanting both worlds).
We’ll figure the rest out together.
See you in the next post.
Shubham
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